There’s a song from the early nineties called “Collide” by Howie Day. I’ve used it as inspiration for several of my blog posts, in part because for me, it’s got this message about duality that I’ve just never been able to ignore. There’s one line in particular that I actually intend to add to my CP ribbon tattoo at some point in the near future. It’s just part of the chorus really, and if you follow this blog, you’ll recognize it pretty easily, I’d bet.
“Even the best fall down sometimes…”
If you listen to the rest of the lyrics of this song, it kind of has the same idea. It’s about opposites attracting. It’s about how two things – two people, really – can be completely in contrast with one another and still manage to come together and make something beautiful. And if you think about it, it’s also about all of the worry that comes with “colliding” with someone so different from you who seems to somehow compliment you in so many ways. It’s a fear of the unknown, even when you crave it. When you love it.
And I think SL gives us a nice taste of that.
Let’s take Nova, for instance. In many ways, Nova is me. I’m not playing a character. I’m never going to be anyone but myself. I can be opinionated, passionate, dedicated. But I also have shiny syndrome. I can also be easily distracted, shy, fearful, even. That’s me. And the thing is… it took me a long time to accept me. When I was younger, I didn’t realize that I had physical limitations. I didn’t realize that there were things that I simply couldn’t do. I would get an idea in my head, and I would come home and tell my mother, “You know what, mom? I want to be a ballerina. I want to be a gymnast. I want to defy gravity. I want to fly.”
And she’d look at me, and she’d tell me no. That she knew I wanted to do these things, but that I simply couldn’t. And that to me didn’t compute. In fact, it made me angry. Once, after one of those very conversations, I was talking to my papaw on the phone, and my mom had told him that I was upset with her because she refused to let me get into ballet. I got on the phone with him, all piss and vinegar with an extra dash of sass added in for good measure, and I said, “well I didn’t say I’d be good at it. I just want to try!”
And that… that fact that I was never allowed to try before I could mark something as a failure, was something that I couldn’t wrap my mind around when I was younger. Hell… younger. My senior year, I was convinced I wanted to go to law school. I had excellent grades. I was a member of two different honor societies. I did drama and music. I had an impressive high school resume, but the schools I wanted into – the good ones with the shiny programs that give you extra gray hair but are supposed to also give you a leg-up in the world – they didn’t want me. Or at least they didn’t want to give me a nice enough scholarship that I could actually afford to go. So I thought about a story my papaw had told me once about how he got his pilots’ license in the military. And I thought, “hmm. I bet if I could prove I’m good enough, I could find some loopholes.”
Seventeen-year-old Nova logic was devious, you guys.
So, I started working out after school. I started ignoring my notes for gym that said I wasn’t supposed to be running a mile in the heat, I didn’t need to be swimming so many laps in the pool. I did it all. I did it until my body felt like it was on fire, and then until it didn’t feel anything at all. Each week, I’d pick out a new girl to “beat out” when we were timed on our runs.
By the middle of the year, I was running a nine minute mile and walking a bit more consciously to make sure that those who didn’t know me couldn’t spot the turnout in my leg. I had it almost down to an art. And then, as often happened at Department of Defense schools, the recruiters came in droves. They sat with us at lunch. They talked with us about our academics, about our dreams for the future – and about whether or not we wanted to follow in our parents’ footsteps. They were attractive, too. Maybe that was part of the tactic. But they didn’t discriminate too much. They asked me – and that, I saw, was my in. I told them, “you know what? Yes sir. I sure do. Except my dad works in supply, and you know… I was thinking I’d really like to be a lawyer.”
I expected a lot more invasive questions than they asked, and I thought I’d truly pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes. I thought I had finally managed to succeed at something my mother told me I couldn’t physically do. I could run a nine minute mile. Hell, I had a six pack. I thought I was so sly. I was physically fit. I was quite pleased with myself.
Until the recruiters called my house.
Y’all, it wasn’t pretty. And obviously, it didn’t work out, because if it had, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But you know… I’m positive that things happen the way that they do for a reason. Whether its dreams you aren’t capable of chasing or people you meet – everything happens for a reason. Everything and everyone that comes into your life comes in at the exact moment that you need them to. Sometimes, they come in as lessons. Sometimes, they become something much more than that.
And if it weren’t for SL, I wouldn’t have some of that. I wouldn’t have met some of you. I wouldn’t have some of the weird, random amalgamation of skills that I have today – skills that helped me get a new job recently, actually. I don’t know that I’d be the same person. I certainly know I’m not the same person I once was. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But… SL has let me do more, be more than I ever thought I could be. Than I was ever told I was allowed to be. And it has brought me to lifelong friends and loves and lessons I will never forget.
It’s let me be the ballerina. It lets me be the me that my physical limitations kept locked away. Not to mention… I can fly. Nova isn’t me… but in many ways, we are one and the same. I sometimes have to remind myself of that when I’m feeling stressed or things get me down in world. I could hit the X button on the bad days, but I could also dance, or fly, or create… I can do any number of things that make me happy simply because the limitations that exist for me do not exist for Nova… and I can keep doing those things because those limitations will never get in the way in our virtual world. And you know what? So what if it’s inside a game? These things still count for something just like the people that we meet here, and I will always be grateful for that.
Credits:
[Shape]mine
[Head][LeLUTKA]Irina 2.5
[Body][Maitreya]Lara 5.3
[Skin][Lumae]Amesha (T4 – No cleavage)
[Hair][Doux]Dane
[Lips][Top1 Salon]HD Glass Set
[Top][Salt&Pepper @ Uber]Nutcracker bodice (cream)
[Shoes][Salt&Pepper @ Uber]Nutcracker pointes (nudes)
[Pose][Callipygian Poses]Ballerina rest pose (edited w/ animare)
[Backdrop][MINIMAL @ Kustom9]Lightroom Backdrops (2)
[Tune][Howie Day – Collide]
I Promise I Know What I'm Doing 