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231. How to… accept the things you cannot change.

Last week, I went to a Ceremony of Eternal Bonding in Final Fantasy XIV. Think partnering, but for Second Life. It was for a really good friend of mine that used to be something more. She’s found someone amazing, and it’s so nice to see her happy. And the whole experience was actually really fun. She had this whole ceremony, see? And friends from across the country – myself included – were able to log in and celebrate with her. And it was great. We laughed and joked and had a good time and it was, I think, exactly what we all needed, because the world is… Well, it’s kind of shit show lately, isn’t it? Let’s just be honest. But that? That was a nice day.

But the last couple days…

So, story time, y’all. Several years back now, I was in an extremely one-sided relationship with someone. Ironically, many of y’all may know this person, but I won’t go there. That’s a can of worms for another day. In any case, I spent years following this person around, hanging on their every word. At first, it was awesome. I felt so cherished, you know? But then things started to get bad, and by then, I was in it, guys. I mean, I’d been there for years. I just kept telling myself that if I was better, if I somehow became perfect, if I did everything I was supposed to do, everything she wanted me to do, that somehow things would go back to the way that they were, that she would go back to the way she was, and everything would be great again.

And that’s not what happened, y’all. Instead, I found myself alone, questioning everything from why I’d been in the relationship to my value as a human being, because at first, without her there constantly, when I came out of it, I didn’t even know who I was. For so long, I’d been hers, and my identity had been tied to what she and others thought of me. I was… lost.

A friend of mine started inviting me over almost nightly to play games on her sim and chat. Just to vent, let it out, figure things out, you know? And that’s how I met him. He was unexpected, really. He joined us one night, him and his girl, and we laughed and joked until it was hilariously late. All the time. But when my friend would log out, I’d book it, too. You see, he was one of ~those types. I could just tell there was something different about him, you know? And that meant that I didn’t trust myself. Remember, at this point, I feel like this biggest failure either. I wasn’t worthy of anything. My name had been dragged through the mud, and I was still reeling from all of that garbage, wading my way through it. So I kept my distance.

Until one day, this man called me on my shit, y’all. My friend heads off to bed, and here I go like, “Have a nice night guys I’m really tired too I guess I’ll be going…away now.” And he goes, “Nova, stop. Don’t you think I’ve noticed you take off every time ___ does?”

So, I stopped. Because he said stop, and if you’ve ever talked to this man, he just has one of those voices you know? And we chatted. And he drops a bomb. He says, “I know her. And I’ve been paying attention. And she is -wrong- about you. You know that right?”

Thus began the whole thing, y’all. This man brought me into his family. He helped me put the pieces together. He encouraged me when I needed it, and gave me a kick in the ass when I needed that, too. Often, as you may not be surprised if you know me. And he taught me to be proud of myself again. He taught me to rise above all that garbage and love myself again. And even after our relationship ended, he was still a rock for me. He messaged me just to say “Hello, how are you?” which… not many people do anymore. At all. He wanted to know how I was doing. He gave me advice when I wanted it, and helped me to laugh when I needed it. When a friend of mine died several years back from cancer, he stayed on the line with me for hours and let me blubber. He told me his own story. Above everything else, he was a friend first… and one of the best.

A couple days ago, I got a message from him. He’d been in the hospital, and it was bad this time. And the message said, “It’s been a rough day. How’s my wind-up girl?” He’s not called me that in a while. I answered him, of course. Told him that I was thinking of him and his girl and that I loved them. I knew it was bad this time. I knew, and I answered him. And I didn’t get a reply.

But last night, I did get a phone call. You know… one of those that comes at a weird time? Middle of the night, too late for a normal conversation, from one of those numbers where you know you SHOULD answer but logic tells you that you probably aren’t going to like whatever the person on the other end of the line has to say? One of those. And I knew before I answered the phone what had happened. I’d been expecting it. And I guess I thought that because I’d been expecting it, it would be easier to deal with that call.

But it wasn’t. It sucked. It still sucks.

So… the moral of the story? Cancer can suck an entire bag of dicks.

Leylan, thank you so much for being there when I needed someone most. Thank you for lifting me up and reminding me who I was, for allowing me to be a part of your world and to know you… because you were one hell of an amazing man. I’m glad you’re not in pain anymore, but I’m sad I lost my friend. </3


[Body][The Shops]Legacy Mesh Body Special Edition (1.3)
[Skin/Head][avarosa] @ Collabor88]Bella (Rosekiss)
[Skin/Body][Velour]Ipanema Body for Legacy (Rosekiss)
[Face][POUT!]Heartbreaker Tears
[Lips][Velour]Jojo Lips
[Dress][Vinyl]Staycation Tee Dress

[Tune][Joey+Rory – When I’m Gone]

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