There are people in this world, whether we speak of the real world or the virtual one, who will never seek to take responsibility for their own actions. In doing (or not doing) so, they will remain stagnant. Stuck. Unable to move forward, unable to pedal backward. They’re simply frozen at a point in which they can’t grow because they are so rooted in the idea that the rest of the world is the cause for all their problems. Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility for one’s actions, accepting responsibility for hurting others, and seeking to better oneself. Sometimes, this isn’t easy to do. Sometimes it’s hard to understand. Sometimes, it’s painful. Unfortunately, the fact that you can’t remember hurting someone or don’t understand how you could have done so doesn’t negate the fact that you did – nor does it invalidate the other person’s feelings – and as an adult, you have to be big enough to own that. But… there are people who never will.
Second Life is full of people who will let the ugliest parts of themselves out to play and then call foul when they find themselves facing the consequences of their actions. Hiding behind a keyboard makes this easier. In a virtual world where we can be anything we want, some people choose to take that to a positive place, and others choose to use it to be the uncensored version of their darkest selves and then try and explain it away with “I’m sick,” or “I’m dealing with bad things/having a rough time.”
Those of you who follow me on Facebook likely know what happened this weekend at my brother’s house just before I left to come home. My sister-in-law got black-out drunk, tried to take the keys, assaulted me and my brother when we tried to take them away, locked us out of the house, made her children cry, and then continued for hours to assault us, break and throw things, scream nonsense at her small children, etc. Instead of calling the cops, my little brother called his father-in-law in tears because the last time my sister-in-law did such a thing, she backed him into a corner and hit him in the face repeatedly, and he shoved her away and called the cops. When they got there, they arrested him, not her. I listened to my brother sob on the phone to his father in law for half an hour while my sister-in-law continued her tirade, an active danger to him, myself, and her own children. When my brother-in-law expressed that he couldn’t do it anymore and wanted her out, she sneered at him, said, “Oh? Which one of us has a domestic violence charge?” and then went upstairs, woke up my nephews, and told them they’d never see their daddy again. The times I tried to call for help, she attacked me, threw my phone, and at one point even hid the wireless card that was plugged into my computer.
The next morning, she claims she remembered doing and saying none of it, but instead of apologizing for the damage she did to me, to her husband and her children, to her home and herself and agreeing to get help, she said she didn’t need help. She didn’t have time to get help because she works. Everything was my brother’s fault and if he would just do what she wants she wouldn’t get like that. She was instantaneously angry again when neither myself nor my brother agreed, and then later got angry when my niece and nephews wouldn’t come out of their rooms. When I reminded her of what she’d done, she tried to hug me, and then spent the rest of my time there locked in her room throwing a tantrum because I told her that I loved her, but I didn’t want a hug – I wanted her to get help.
So why am I telling you all this?
It’s simple. At the end of the day, your excuses don’t matter. Every single day when you wake up, you have the opportunity as an intelligent life form to make a conscious decision about how you interact with people and the kind of impression you make. We all have bad days. We all have stuff going on. Many of us are sick, or taking care of a family member who is sick, or dealing with things we can’t even bring ourselves to talk about. Every single day. But you know what? It’s not an excuse. Never, ever, ever is any of that an excuse to be ugly or hurtful to another person, and your struggles, however unfortunate they are, don’t give you a pass on your attitude here or in the real world… in much the same way as my sister-in-law buying my niece and nephews a breakfast burrito didn’t change the fact that her behavior the previous night had terrified them and a burrito wasn’t going to solve the problem. And the unfortunate thing? The unfortunate thing is that there are people like my sister in law in both worlds – people who will never ever take responsibility for their own heinous actions. But you know what? That’s no one else’s fault but their own. Please, just don’t let yourself be like that.
Bad day? Read a book. Second Life can be an escape, but if your mood is bad enough that you think you might risk going after someone else if you log in, a book is a different kind of escape from the real world that will allow you to shut things out for a bit without taking your bad mood out on others. If you’re having a rough time, talk to someone. A trusted friend. A counselor. People don’t just use therapists for mental illness. People use them to talk about family issues, about work stresses, about any number of things, and you can, too. You can take control of your own situation in so many ways.
Sick? Go to a doctor. Schedule an e-visit. Get more sleep. Try and relax and do some things for you.
Just don’t let yourself become one of those people who blames your circumstances on others. It’s not a good look, it’s not an easy thing to come back from, and regardless of what you’re going through at the time, there are some words and actions that leave scars long after the physical wounds heal. Things you may not be able to fix when you decide you want to look back again. Remember that, and try to be as kind to others as you would hope they would be to you. Goodness knows we could all use a little more of that right now.
[Head][LeLUTKA]Nova v 2.5
[Skin][[ session ]]Astrid (tone 2)
[Tears/Redness][Izzie’s]I’m not feeling very well
[Shoes][Elle Boutique]April Peeptoes
[Pose][Foxcity]from Ground Sits v2
*Please note: There was a filter applied to the photo outside of SL to darken the edges, which may make the colors look slightly different. Please check out the items in-world for yourself!