I absolutely love this photo and I’m not even sure why. I just do.
Anyway, that’s not what we’re going to talk about today.
The last couple weeks have been rough. Y’all know that if you’ve been reading along I suppose, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that things have also been going so much better than before. Apart from some of the heavier stuff that has tried to kick me down a few times, I have felt lately like I’ve actually been able to breathe and be myself, which… has been hard for a while. I’d boxed myself up and convinced myself that things were just… stagnant. I had some people in my life who I wanted to stick by, and the more I did, the more I realized I was caught in this horrible circle. It got to a point where I wasn’t sure who I could talk to, and I spent most of my days on my platform or off by myself because I didn’t want to create waves.
Someone very close to me once told me that there are some people in the world who will only be happy when those around them are as miserable as they are. Back when I was told this, I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to listen for a few reasons:
1.) It would mean that I was wrong, and most importantly…
2.) It would mean that I was wrong and I had managed to put myself in the exact situation that I had worked so hard to get myself out of when I was in an abusive relationship.
Well, folks, I was wrong. And in recent months, as I’ve made new friends and come out of my shell and realized that people who have been around me for years have no idea who I am, I finally understood the kind of damage that this situation had done to me. Not only had I let it happen, but I had tried to excuse it away. I made it okay, and worse yet, I didn’t speak up. I let others around me, people who maybe could have helped, think that things were okay because I didn’t want to hurt feelings. I didn’t want to cause some kind of problem. I let myself be miserable because I was worried about everyone else, and the place that I called home in SL felt unwelcoming, not because it isn’t amazing, not because the people there aren’t wonderful, but because I spent so much time smiling and nodding and catering to people who didn’t want me to grow and didn’t want me to meet new people and learn and everything that I should have been able to do if I hadn’t been so concerned about the fallout and letting myself sink into the shadows because I was afraid.
I’ve dealt with bullies all my life. In school in RL, here in SL – people who wanted to hurt me, people who pretended to be my friend only to use the things I told them as the catalyst to some cruel prank or underhanded action or comment. I was tired, guys. I was so tired. And lately, I’ve finally learned to breathe again, and I feel at home again, and I love that. I feel like I’ve grown more in the last few months than I have in years, But I also worry that all of that is going to slip away and I’m going to have to go back to being Nova in a box.
No one should ever be made to feel that way. Not by a complete stranger, and certainly not by someone who calls themselves a friend. A while back, I had to completely change how I did things, who I could hang out with, where I could go, what I did with my time in SL – in order to find some peace. I don’t want to find myself in that space again, and I worry about going back there now that I’ve finally had a taste of what things are like outside of the box.
So, if you find yourself in a situation like this, don’t do what I did. Don’t stay quiet. Don’t take a back seat. Don’t let someone make you feel like you can’t or shouldn’t do the things that make you happy. Stand up for yourself and speak out, because no one deserves that.
[Skin][[ session ]]Astrid (tone 2)
[Lips][Izzie’s]Lipgloss (Lelutka Evolution HD)
[Hair][Tram @ Uber]J0916 Hair (HUD C)
[Pose][Foxcity]from Sits Vol. 3
[Tune][Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On]