I’ve talked about him a lot in this blog and in another I used when I was working towards getting my Seraph tag at Xaara. You ever not talk to someone in a little bit and get one of those feelings in the pit of your stomach like something is just wrong and you don’t know what it is? Well, last night, I looked at my phone, and I realized I hadn’t heard from him in a bit. We may not be in a relationship anymore – not like that anyway – but to say that this man has helped me through some rough patches in both worlds would be just about the understatement of the century if there ever was one. I realized I hadn’t heard from him in a while, and I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. This horrible knot. So I reached out, and I asked how he was feeling, and told him I hoped he was doing okay…
…and his reply started like this: “Hello, Sunshine. First, I want to apologize…”
This man sent me a five page text apologizing to me for not answering my last text because he’d just had surgery and then had to go in and have another surgery recently, where he learned that there’s more cancer. Again. He’s had his thyroid removed (where they found the newest cancer) and bits of his lung removed last year where they found other new growths, and surgery before that when he was going through it the first damn time to remove a portion that was cancerous as well. There are new spots on the lung that have grown since his last scan. The next one is in July. He told me he’d hoped he’d get lucky the first time, but he’s not sure he’ll be able to beat it this time around.
He changed the subject. He always does. He wanted to know how I was doing, how was my mom? Did she finally marry the good guy? Were we doing okay?
I told him all the good stuff because that’s what I knew he needed to hear, and because I didn’t want to burden him. He checks on me. He worries about me. He has been a constant in my life even though our ~relationship ended years ago. This man has laughed with me, cried with me, celebrated my successes, given me a kick in the ass when I needed it most…
I’ve always kind of seen him as this force of nature, this invincible rock of a man. I’ve never really let myself imagine a world in which I can’t pick up a phone and hear his voice. It’s devastating to think that he’s going to go through this again, that I can see his hope dwindling in his words. I don’t know what to do, and I hate it. I don’t understand this world anymore, where good people are punished with horrible things and horrible people are allowed to continue their hate-filled existences unchecked, spewing their negativity and making the world a darker place. I just don’t get it. At all. So I told him to stay strong and take care of himself, and I guess I need to do the same thing, because that’s all I can do right now.
[Shape][Divine Transformations]Nova Shape **custom** (head)
[Head][LeLUTKA]Simone v. 3.4
[Skin][The Skinnery]Paris (Toffee)
[Lips][Izzie’s]Matte Love Lipstick
[Dress][Vinyl@ Anthem Event]Hot Sauce Tee Dress (purple/graphic)