So… I have come to the realization in the last couple days that I am in desperate need of my personal space. I’ve been taking some of my photos a little ahead of time in hopes that our house guests wouldn’t be here too long. They’re using my room where my swanky new desktop is, and my laptop simply isn’t cutting it. Not to mention I can barely use the bathroom in peace and seem to have become the default free babysitter without so much as a conversation. I feel like I am losing control over what little I had in the world that I considered mine – including my personal space. So to say I’ve been a little stressed is probably a bit of an understatement. But… such is life, right?
Second Life can be a nice escape from days like this sometimes, and I must admit that I miss that now more than I realized I would. I feel like everything is just speeding by and I am missing so much in both worlds now. Still can’t move (though I did put a bid in on a house – just haven’t heard back yet), and my time in SL has been limited because I can’t wade through the mountain of crap stacked in my room to get to my computer. Then there’s Vincent. I know I don’t talk about him a whole lot on here, but he is my service dog. He doesn’t do public access anymore, but he’ll be 7 in June, I’ll miss his birthday because I’ll be in Florida with my grandparents, and he’s been sick. I’ve been having trouble getting him to eat, and when I do manage to get him to eat, I’m having a hell of a time keeping weight on him. He’s almost 15 pounds underweight, and the vet has ran blood tests and a whole bunch of stuff. Our next step is to test his adrenal function. On one hand, adrenal diseases in dogs are treatable, but it definitely wouldn’t be good news, and could cause a lot more complications with his life, and I hate that for him. To add insult to injury, I made the mistake of going to Google to do my own research, and that just made me feel worse. This dog has quite literally saved my life on multiple occasions, and all I can do is chew on my lip and hope I can put some weight on him and that whatever is going on isn’t as bad as we think. I’ve spent $400 in the past week already on exams, blood tests, special foods and dietary supplements. Between trying to figure out what is wrong with him, my complete lack of personal space or any semblance of alone time, and the ever-increasing urge to get the hell out of here, my anxiety levels have been through the roof.
I’m certain I’ve earned myself several new gray hairs this week.
But last night… I had a dream. I had a dream, and in it, I was sitting at the kitchen table, and my nana and my gran walked in. My nana died eight years ago, and as some of you know, my gran died last month. It’s funny, because the other day I was telling my mom that one of my biggest fears was forgetting them – what they sounded like, what they smelled like, their facial expressions. Those weird things we take for granted when they’re here with us, you know? And here they sat with me in dream-land, sipping coffee and just smiling and chit-chatting with one another like it was nothing, and me just sitting there with my mouth hanging open. And my nana sat her cup down, and she gave me this look I’ve seen my mother use a million times, and she said, “Nova, take a deep breath. Everything is going to sort itself out.” And my gran looked at her and then looked at me, and she nodded and said, “Damn right it is.”
And then they were gone. But you know what? I felt a bit better afterwards.
And I guess that’s the thing. I know I’ve said it here before, but I think anyone who reads this or knows me probably knows that I give advice better than I follow it. I’ve been trying to tell myself that everything is going to be fine for a while now, that “this too shall pass” and that I just need to take some deep breaths and suck in the fresh air and have some patience. It’s never been my strongest virtue, I’ll admit, but I’m trying. And sometimes, really, I think that’s all we can do. So if you’re going through something too, first of all – please know that you aren’t alone. And please know that this hectic awful thing weighing you down isn’t going to weigh you down forever. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and hop off of this POS laptop for a bit, take some time, and just breathe… because right now, that’s all I can do is appreciate what’s right instead of focusing on everything that is going wrong.
Every once in a while, I think we all need to do that.
[Shape][Divine Transformations]Nova Shape **custom**
[Head][LeLUTKA]Simone v. 3.4
[Skin][The Skinnery]Paris (Toffee)
[Lips][Izzie’s]Matte Love Lipstick
[Dress][Vinyl (Tres Chic Pop-Up)]Stellar Ruched Dress (white)
[Pose][Luane’s World]True Colors
[Tune][Adam Lambert – Aftermath]