I didn’t realize how much I’d been blogging this year until I looked up at that number. I’m proud of myself, guys! And now that I’ve patted myself on the back…
It’s been a rough week. I feel like I say that every week, but at the same time, I know that there will come a day when things will finally settle down, and it’s going to be so amazing that I probably won’t even have words for it. Anyway, I’ve been feeling lately either one of two ways: like I have no idea what day it is or what I’m doing or what’s going on at all, OR like I am stumbling through the most vivid deja vu I have ever experienced. This has been true of both worlds lately, and I must admit it’s been a bit frustrating… but then, change always is, isn’t it?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking as I often do during these moments when real life tailspins into chaos and I have nothing better to do. I talk so much on here about going out and meeting new people and doing new things and being the best possible version of yourself, but my brain got going today and it dawned on me that without the past, the present that I know wouldn’t be. Without everything I’ve been through, without all of the people I’ve met along the way – whether they are still by my side or not – I wouldn’t be who I am.
I see so many people wanting to cling to these moments where they remember they were happy. Moments… or people. Or things. I see so many get stuck in this rut of worrying that the best part of their life has somehow slipped by them and there’s nothing they can do but look back fondly and remember. Hell, I used to be one of those people.
But here’s the thing: Whatever you’re going through, however many times your ‘bad day’ record has been on repeat, it’s not always going to be that way. You can have those fond memories and cherish those moments in your past without living there… and you should. The truth is, we grow. We grow up, we grow apart. We travel different paths. Just because we don’t necessarily know what is ahead of us doesn’t mean that the best is behind us. When I feel myself getting down, I just remind myself of that. I remind myself because I know that I can learn from the past, and that I should remember it, but I should never try to live there.
Keep growing. Keep walking. Tuck those fond memories away in a special place and remind yourself every time you have a bad day that you are different now than you were then, and that better things are coming for you on the horizon…even if you can’t see them just yet.
[Tune][Deana Carter – Strawberry Wine]