It’s been a rough couple of days. I had a really bad migraine for a couple of days last week that culminated in a seizure. It wasn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things, but I’ve been kind of exhausted, and it’s been a little hard to see. The doc says that should wear off – like a side-effect, I suppose – but it’s still a pain in the ass. I’ve got one good eye, and “good” is a subjective term. I can see with it when I wear my glasses, but for the last couple days, things have been blurry even with them on, and I’ve been miserable.
It’s times like this when I remind myself that I have made some amazing friends in both worlds, but sometimes I think – no, I know – that those in Second Life know me better than some people do in real life. Being with those people, talking to them, sharing my frustrations only requires that I have an internet connection. I can’t drive in real life, and socializing there usually requires a trip. It’s a funny situation, and it sucks sometimes, but it makes me even more thankful for the wonderful people I do have in my life.
It’s so easy to make connections in Second Life, to find people who enjoy the same things you do, to surround yourself with people who will lift you up instead of tear you down. There’s a lot of negativity at times, yes, but there’s also so much light and love. I count myself lucky to have people like that – people that I can turn to when I am feeling my lowest to remind myself that I am beautiful and bright and so much more than this thing that tries to cripple me from time to time. Sure, I joke about it, but there are days when it’s hard to laugh. Days when I look in the mirror and I’m physically angry because the person that I see is not who she is supposed to be and everything seems to be insurmountable. And on those days I wonder, “Who in the hell would even want to deal with this?” and I go down this rabbit-hole of self-hatred and anger, and my family will tell me things like “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle,” and all I can think is: “Well, he’s a sick sonofabitch, isn’t he?”
But then I have these people in my life who check up with me, who remind me every day that I am loved, who worry about me when I am away and remind me that I matter. They make some of the worst days bearable, and the funny thing about that is that I wouldn’t know any of them if I hadn’t created Nova’s account, if I hadn’t ventured out and started talking to people and broadening my horizons and speaking my truth. That’s more powerful than any words can say.
That said, this will probably be my last post for a couple of days until this crap clears up, because it’s an actual pain in the ass, but I just needed to share that.
[Shape][Divine Transformations]Nova Shape **custom**
[Head][LeLUTKA]Simone v. 3.4
[Skin][The Skinnery]Paris (Toffee)
[Lips][Izzie’s]Matte Love Lipstick
[Top][Vinyl @ Equal10 Event]Budd Flannel and Undershirt (Green Moss/White)
[Tune][Jessica Simpson – With You]