There’s this thing I think some people need to learn how to do… myself being one of them. I wouldn’t bring this up here if I wasn’t guilty of it, too. Here’s the thing: We all have things that we are dealing with. We all have stuff in both worlds that we have to combat without the help of anyone else… but we can’t blame them for that, and we can’t expect them to bend over backwards for us, and we can’t use it as an excuse. I know there are days with this blog where I vent my frustrations and I tell you how I’m feeling. That’s part of the reason this is here. But at the same time, I blame no one for any of it. It’s no one’s fault that my health sucks and I have rough days, and that’s why I try to stay positive even when I’m talking about those days.
That’s why I pinpoint what’s going on in my head and talk about pushing through it… because I can’t expect anyone else to throw me a life vest to handle what’s going on in my life. I have to carry around my own floaties because I know I can’t swim that well.
Luckily, I am surrounded by people in my community who understand that and don’t ask questions. I’ve made some new friends lately and found myself with an unwavering support system – the kind of people that I can really take the bra off with, so to speak, and just let things go without worry. That doesn’t mean that I expect them to do anything for me. They’re just there to smile and nod and tell me it’s okay. Everything else is on me. If I don’t want to drown, I have to be accountable for my own survival. I have to make sure that I float myself back to shore.
People used to tell me just to smile more. They used to quote the bible at me and tell me that god would not give me anything I couldn’t handle, and while I think that’s a bit of a crock, it still reminds me that my burdens are my own and I have to be accountable to myself for what is going on with me and not expect others to carry the load.
I’ve always been afraid of the water because I know I can’t swim that well. And that’s no one’s fault. I can’t nearly drown someone else because of my own fear. At the end of the day, sometimes the road you have to cross isn’t a road at all. Sometimes, it’s a damn ocean, and if you want to make it to the other side, you have to hold your head up and just keep going. I remind myself of this every single day, and I try to stay mindful of myself and how I am with others. I tell myself, “You can do this.” And it’s the truth. I may not do it at the same pace as others, I may be the last person to cross the finish line, but that’s okay. That’s okay because every day that I get through is another win, even if a small one. It’s important to focus on that, surround yourself with good people, and remind yourself that not all days will be bad, but that even when they are, you can do the thing.
[Shape][Divine Transformations]Nova Shape **custom**
[Head][LeLUTKA]Simone v. 3.4
[Hair][Tableau Vivant]Mariposa (blondes)
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